Quarantined As A Musician in Seattle
how covid-19 has affected me as a musician:
Most of my creativity and “inspiration” (even though I hate that word) comes from my busy schedule. I really like having lots of things to focus on, and it often helps me compose. maybe its my ADHD but I really enjoy multitasking. The quarantine began directly after my spring break. I have never left vacation mode as of late, which meant I transitioned to not only online music school but also online music lessons, directly after my week of lying in musical burnout and also trying to plan an album release. I teach at MODE music school in West Seattle on the weekends, and a lot of my teaching involves very hands on activities and younger students. today for example, I taught two online lessons to two of my youngest students, both of whom have trouble focusing. We maybe got 17-18 minutes of usable musical knowledge or practice, and the rest of it was them goofing off, or needing their parents help. Not that they don’t goof off in person, but it feels as though I have no authority or control over the situation when our lessons are online. Since I can’t be there in person to correct anything, a lot of parents have had to pick up the slack, which I didn’t ask them to do, and I obviously wouldn’t want them to stress about it if it was avoidable. I love my students, and these online lessons are also making us closer because it forces us to care and perform in different ways that I also believe have upsides. I hope that they become more independent with their practicing, as well as find their own love for music that doesn’t at all stem from what we have learned together now that they have the time to. I hope their creativity blossoms during this time.
Besides these lessons and my students, I also have trouble with motivating myself to do school when it’s so simple to close my laptop, and my entire current lifestyle just turns off, and I can go hangout with my roommates, or play video games, or play music. My school, Cornish College of the Arts, recently made the semester universal pass because some students don’t have the space or wifi to create their art or participate in online courses. This now means that everything I do (or don’t do) doesn’t affect my grade at all. Hows that for an extreme change in pace? we’re already in an industry that A. doesn’t guarantee you a stable career post-graduation (like unfortunately lots of careers nowadays but the arts have always been subjected to this) and B. is so mentally and emotionally draining because you have literally turned your hobby and passion into something that is graded and critiqued like never before. So the added stress of having to self regulate, make sure to do your work that was previously graded and now isn’t graded, and retain your passion and love for whatever your medium is because your creation sometimes DEPENDS on your passion, is almost completely overwhelming. I am almost completely overwhelmed. I know the school’s intentions with this were good. and I know that the people who benefit from this are currently benefitting. I am just in a weird in-between place full of people who love days off, but also need constant structure in their academic life.
most of the validation I receive in what I do is not from teachers or students, or students parents. Being in a place where I am surrounded by experts in my field is still new to me, even though I am about to be a junior in college, and most of my validation as a creator comes from my live shows. just around the new year I planned a run of house shows with a close friend of mine that were supposed to take place in march/april of this year. we were even intending to do another leg of shows in june. We had JUST finished planning, and the week of our first show was when I was on spring break and the first cancellations of the world were happening. The host of our first show cancelled a few days before the show was about to happened. we were counting on that last drop of normalcy before everything closed down, and that familiar feeling of being onstage was stripped from us. It feels weird to say that I rely on the validation of a live audience, and often its not true, but not having a show every weekend has forced me to look inward, and examine where my happiness and content feelings come from. Sometimes it’s really hard to write songs when I’m being graded on them, and sometimes I can’t wait to show my private teacher what I’ve created. But I never though that this quarantine would make it so i don’t even feel like it. Honestly, I feel like a different person. Maybe we should all learn to not rely so much on audiences, or busier schedules, or anything else, but truthfully thats what I love and what I crave. school and lessons turning to online was extremely hard for me and lots of my peers to get used to, but delaying my concerts and the release of my album is actually eating away at me. This is the most reflecting i’ve done in awhile, and I hope this is all over soon. There are also tons of resources for musicians and creatives of all types that are so wonderful and I’m thankful im not one of the many musicians that relies on playing shows to make money, and thankfully that can remain the thing I do for fun and the thing I am passionate about!